music

this is when i normally cry - when i am very pissed. which is a problem when somebody sees that and thinks it's because i'm having a soft moment - i'm not

but now all kinds of things trigger the waterworks - people asking how i'm doing - what comes out of my mouth is "i'm okay" (this is what people want to hear in any case), but my eyes know that this is bullshit. eyes as lie detectors. hazel lie detectors.

music can unstop the stoppers. i was stuck in traffic just now,listening to a DMB download that the band recorded right after leroi died. and i actually hear pain in rashawn's trumpet. and in dave matthew's voice breaking - take me back, take me back. what is there in music that can find its way in like that and move your heart? the opposite is true, too, of course - it's hard to be blue when "cornbread" is playing - but honestly, mostly i'm playing "dreaming tree" over and over just for that emotional hit. Tibetan chant can do the same thing:

http://www.healingsounds.com/CATALOG/prodView.asp?idProduct=971

it is deep and profound and if one listens to it very carefully, all the way to the source of the sound, it is everything in the universe - the whole enchilada.

grief (life) is experienced by all the senses. grief (life) can be magik'ed up; grief (life) can be made tolerable (intolerable) by sound, sight, taste, touch (lack of touch), smell .... ooooh smell - another post altogether.

peace
christine