my mother's closet

my dad and i went out to dinner tonight - and instead of him driving in to the city, i went out to his place - he mostly prefers to meet me in town. i always make a point of going to my mom's "office," her bathroom - it's been comforting to go to a physical place that i associate with her - it was her smoking area - but it's hard to catch that smell now. and my mom's smell (cigarettes, perfume and dryer sheets) is disappearing from the clothes that still hang in her closet. i was not prepared for that. and i don't half like it. without that smell, it does not feel like she's just stepped away for a bit. she's disappearing from that room and that house, incrementally but surely, one molecule at a time. i still bury my face in her sweaters and coats, but even with my eyes shut and me concentrating on what i can detect, there is less and less of her there for me.

christine